Holiday Hospitality
A good example of the holiday spirit in Brazil, which isn’t seen in the US, is Brazilian hospitality, the way people open their homes to family and friends. In the summer, apartments on the beach are filled with a dozen people sharing two bedrooms, just so everyone can have a place to stay for the holidays. Also, this opening of one’s home isn’t restricted to the beach or summer holidays. It’s common for entire families to visit one another and stay for weeks. Meanwhile, the host never asks them when they were planning on leaving, as that would be an insult. It would encourage a confrontation, with the guests thinking the host wanted them to leave and asking what they had done wrong to make the host upset. Brazilians are not comfortable with confrontations; they are to be avoided. Thus, no one asks how long the guests intend to stay.
Camboriú -- a favorite beach retreat for Curitibanos
Everyone knows that people are more polite and considerate during the holiday season. Let me give you an example of something I saw in Curitiba; this happened the week before Christmas. I was waiting for a haircut at the salon. When the gentleman ahead of me was finished, he gave a tip to the barber for Christmas. He then shook hands with the owner and the manicurist to wish them a Merry Christmas. Before leaving the small shop, he patted me on the shoulder and wished me a happy holidays, even though I’d never seen this man before in my life. Of course, people are more friendly at Christmastime, but it’s not likely a stranger would pat me on the arm in the US.
There are some other remarkable customs in Brazilian life that Americans would be wise to imitate. For example, personal hygiene, the order and cleanliness of Brazilian homes, and the pride Brazilians take in their appearance. It would be nice to see Americans take more showers and brush their teeth more than once a day. I’m also in support of men having manicures and women visiting the hair salon. It’s a nice way to reward oneself while supporting the local economy. Americans would also be smart to eat smaller meals, four or five times a day, as Brazilians 
do, instead of three large meals as is the custom in the US.
Another summer festivity unique to Brazil is the celebration by students who are accepted into the university by scoring well on the vestibular. There’s a tradition whose origins I don’t know, but whose end result is everyone covered in mud! Also head shaving among the boys occurs. It’s a joyous occasion for the students, of course, and everyone is eager to participate. In the US, there is no such custom, and I can imagine American students complaining, “I’m not going to shave my head for some stupid tradition.” However, in Brazil, the boys can’t wait to get crazy haircuts and muddy so everyone will know their accomplishment. They wear their dirt proudly for their family and friends, and their families are sure to take photos of their mud-covered children to remember the happy occasion. There’s a brilliant innocence to this custom, a willingness to participate in tradition that is missing among American youth, who have been raised in a culture where half the population is too cynical to vote.
Americans could also learn better manners from Brazilians. For example, Brazilians always excuse themselves, com licença, when they enter someone’s home. Delivery men say it, and even waiters say it when they bring food to your table. I assumed they were politely apologizing for interrupting the diners’ conversation, but I’ve heard it said even if no one is talking at that moment.
More Brazilian good manners: When I ride in elevators, people getting on the elevator say hello even though we don’t know each other. Brazilians are also polite about giving gifts, especially at Christmas. Everyone gives a gift to her maid, for example, but this year our maid gave us a gift, with a little handwritten note of warm wishes for the new year. My wife kept the maid’s note alongside our printed Christmas cards.
Brazilians could also teach Americans how to use a toothpick. Americans do not cover their mouths when they pick their teeth and will often leave a restaurant with the toothpick still in their mouths.
Sometimes living in Brazil, straddling two sets of society’s rules as it were, places me in a zone of confusion, trying to interpret the messages of one culture through the eyes of another. What is considered polite or good manners in Brazil can be misunderstood by foreigners. For example, it’s merely polite curiosity for strangers in Brazil, like the girl giving me a manicure, or a woman I’ve just met five minutes ago, to ask me if I’m married and have any children. In the US, this question would be unusual and possibly flirtatious.
There are, however, some places where I think Brazilians carry their good manners a little too far. Apparently, it’s rude to allow your fork or spoon to touch your teeth while eating. Brazilians also eat their pizza with a knife and fork while Americans use their hands. It seems Brazilians consider it dirty to touch food with their hands, even food on their own plates. For example, people here eat pasteis by holding it with a napkin, and French fries with a fork. Americans would use their hands.
I’m in support of cleanliness and good manners as a way of proving we’ve risen above the cave man. However, Brazilians can get excessive in their order and cleaning sometimes, for example, the idea that ironing clothes kills germs. This is obviously an excuse to iron everything – socks, towels, underwear. Since when do clothes have germs, and if they did, I’m sure they’d have drowned during the washing.
I also find some of the fashion rules here to be restrictive, such as one cannot wear socks with sandals. It’s a common practice in the US and Europe and often done for reasons of cleanliness, i.e. walking all day in sandals makes your feet dirty, but not if you’re wearing socks. However, if you spot anyone in Brazil wearing socks with sandals you can be sure of one thing – a foreigner!
Perhaps my favorite Brazilian tradition I would like to see exported to the US is saying hello to women with kisses. Every time I see a woman I know, no matter where I am – on the street, in the bank – she will kiss me hello and again kiss me goodbye. I realize there is nothing special about this in Brazil (or Italy or France), and it’s only a sign of good manners. Nevertheless, as it’s not done in the US, it still catches me by surprise.
So during the summer season, when life moves a little more slowly, let’s take a moment to be grateful for the little things in life, like politeness and family hospitality. And don’t forget it’s good manners to kiss!
Michael Rubin is an American living in Curitiba.
[Photo of Camboriú by the author]
